Swim Team

The kiddos started swim team and are having a great time!

Spring Soccer and Hockey

Finally some less soggy weekends for soccer! Tristan had a great time in his first scrimmage games of the season. He is a lot of fun to watch. Adam had his first hockey game of the spring season and he got to be goalie at the last minute. We lost 4-6 but the kids played great.

The Easter Turkey

So today a new tradition was born, The Easter Turkey. Robert was putting up his hunting equipment from another turkey hunt when the kids followed him downstairs and found the Easter baskets that my Mother in Law had forgotten to tell me about. So it took me a couple of minutes to distract them, hide the baskets and come up with a story about the Easter Turkey who plays tricks on little boys. Tristan took the story and expanded on it. Adam was inconsolable and wants his Easter treats NOW!!! Hopefully Dadddy will get that Easter Turkey before it can play any more mean tricks on little boys!!

Scarcity vs. Abundance

I have been thinking a lot lately about scarcity vs. abundance. It has become more and more clear to me that most of the world's conflicts are spurred on by the philosophy of scarcity. If we only believe there is enough to go around for a limited number than we are likely to be fearful, greedy, racist and prideful. I have seen this both in my personal life and on the world stage.

When my patients need help if I were to believe I only have 20 minutes of time and a limited amount of emotional energy then the office visit becomes impossible. If I go into the room believing that God will give me the tools I need at the appropriate time then the impossible becomes possible. If I learn to draw my energy from above then God can use me as the healing instrument.

When I play with my kids and all three of us believe that we have to split my love and attention in half then there arises great conflict and jealousy. For some reason experiencing God's abundance with my kids is much more difficult than in any other area of my life. Perhaps it is because they only can understand love in portions or maybe because my own fears and anxieties are so much greater when dealing with them.

What I do know is that God's abundance is not the same as our idea of abundance. Our idea of abundance is chopping, stacking, planting and sowing. Our idea of abundance is the parable of the ant and the grasshopper. That is, if you don't store up and work all summer then you won't eat. Jesus told a different parable, one of feeding 5000 people with just a few loaves of bread and a few small fish. Somewhere therein must lie a balance between industry and grace. Is it possible to live in these two worlds. That is what I am trying to figure out. Stay tuned...

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

The New Year was rung in last night with broken glass, minor 2 year old injury due to broken glass, a scramble to vaccum up the broken glass so the other 7 kids wouldn't have similar injuries, a burned out vaccum cleaner belt due to broken glass which lead to the attic fan being turned on, which as it turns out is not a good idea with a fire in the fireplace which lead to the smoke detectors and hours later the CO2 detectors. So far 2010...no major catastrophes! HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

The Tapestry

"My life is but a weaving between my God and me,
I do not choose the colors; he works so steadily.
Oft times He weaves in sorrow and I in foolish pride,
Forget He sees the upper and me the underside.
Not till the loom is silent and shuttles cease to fly,
Will God unroll the canvas and explain the reason why.
The dark threads are as needful in the weaver's skillful hand,
As the threads of gold and silver in the pattern he has planned"
-Author Unknown

When I think about my grandmother, the main things that come to mind are artistry, wanderlust and learning. Anybody who knows my Grandmother knows that she was a skilled knitter. When I began thinking about her legacy the theme that began forming in my mind was one of a tapestry. I am a knitter as well and one of the things that I like about it is that you are creating something useful and sometimes beautiful out of a series of knots. It takes a certain amount of steady tension, attention to detail and sometimes monotony to create a finished product. I have become quite good at this but anybody who has ever created an intricate pattern with knitting needles knows that the backside of your creation is a complete mess especially when you are beginning.

My grandmother could create an intricate pattern with very little chaos on the backside and that is very much how she travelled through life. Her life was a pattern that was weaved across two continents with the seemingly chance meeting of my Grandfather at Covent Gardens. It was a pattern that was weaved with many adventures, travels, books, learning and teaching.

My Grandmother's knitting talents even survived the 1980's which was not an easy task. Bill Cosby sweaters, mohair, sequins, it was a dark and perilous time in the knitting world. In the early '80's Princess Diana rocked a Peruvian sweater complete with no less than 9 changes of color, a multitude of stripes, little villagers and llamas. You may or may not remember that this sweater became all the rage. I mean Princess Di wore it! They were expensive. My Grandmother knit this most complicated pattern that was not to be believed and the backside looked almost as beautiful as the front.

If you have ever travelled with my Grandmother you would know that this intricate weaving of her life also extended into her downtime. There was hardly ever any misadventure on a trip with my Grandmother. Things hardly ever went awry because the plans were always made in advance to promote optimal learning and enjoyment. I do remember one slight misstep on a trip to Paris with Audrey and Grandma. In searching for the subway we ended up on a tour of the sewers. Forging on valiantly, always several steps behind Audrey and I followed like the dutiful soldiers we were. We figured she knew what she was doing since she always seemed to know everything about the places she travelled, as though she had herself made the maps of the city. But even through this rare detour we learned a lot about the history of Paris. Audrey of course loved to retell this story!

My style of learning was largely shaped by my Grandmother. When I think about how she learned and experimented life I think it was largely through keen powers of observation. She noticed things about people and places that most did not. One of the things that I did not inherit from her was her attention to detail especially in the matters of grammar. Oft times thank you notes and letters from camp were sent back with spelling and grammar corrections. But she always included news of her latest adventures as well.

Ever searching, a restless heart that never let her mind be idle, it was a constant passing of the shuttles, a skillful series of knots and sometimes untangling of a mess that created order out of randomness. A tapestry that we can view now in it's entirety as God has always seen it, a delicate weaving of truth, integrity and wisdom that is ours now to enjoy and ponder in our hearts.

A Child's Eye

11/15/2009- I am sitting on a plane replaying the past 48 hours in my mind. I think that unfortunately the older you get, the more immuine you are to "great experiences" As an adult I have spent two very eventful years in the Peace Corps where I met some of my closest friends. I've been through training as a PA which bonded me intensely to my classmates and created a career that is both rewarding and incredibly flexible. I've been on cross country trips, international adventures, hosted exchange students, enjoyed scuba diving and skiing. I've thrown caution to the wind and picked up a guy on an airplane who later became an amazing husband and father. I was engaged at the Trevi Fountain in Rome! In just five short years of marriage we have created two amazing creatures that are the center of our universe, all the while maintaining friendships, careers and a close bond. My good fortune is beyond measure. However sometimes with all of my amazing blessings that I ironically feel somewhat limited and narrowed in on a track with rich experiences but fewer possibilities. Sometimes I feel that I have chosen my fate and that I fail to see things for what they could be. I envy my children's abilty to see possibilty and wonder at all things. I am not sure if it is the richness of my past experiences or the toughening of my skin created from my career that causes me to feel more jaded to the agony and the ecstacy of life experiences. These past couple of days have pierced straight through to my core and renewed my childlike wonder at the beauty of the earth, it's people and above all God.

Friday November 13th- Travel day to Statesboro. Dinner is at 6:30 in Statesboro. I have blocked my schedule from 2 PM so that I can make it on time. I am reminded of how blessed I am to have a flexible job! The plan is to meet Stacy (my lifelong but long estranged BFF from the 7th grade) at dinner since we are both running late. We meet up at dinner finally and then head out for a couple of drinks. (I know we should go to bed early but me plus Stacy equals trouble) We stay up until 1 AM first at "Chops 119" and then at the hotel yamering like school girls. We finally fall asleep to the serenade of base thumping out of our window at 1:30. I am starting to feel that thrill of adventure, possibility and the unknown that I always yearn for.

Saturday November 14th- Race Day. We wake up at 6:00 AM and make haste to the start in Claxton with very little fuel. We find our team, don our peaches and set off to start our adventure at 7:30 AM. It is chilly in the morning, about 50 degrees, perfect blue skies, no wind and no humidity. I stay close to Stacy and I'm not sure where I am going to fit in amongst my teamates. A lot of us haven't ridden together previously. At about mile ten Pam asks Stacy and me if we want to team up and form a pace-line. We pass up the first rest stop (which we later discover was a big mistake) and motor on over the Canooche river. I am already digging my team by our first rest stop around mile 25. There is nothing like talking about some very personal issues with relative strangers that bonds you to people. (Names have been changed to protect the innocent) What happens in Claxton stays in Claxton! I am reminded of my experiences in Peace Corps, in PA school, in marriage and parenthood. In intense interactions with other kindrid spirits parts of our beings are melted away and blended back together to form an amalgam that is much stronger than a sum of it's parts. We are creating a mark in time from around which I will continue to pivot for some time.

At the second rest stop I provided a little entertainment for our team when I just fell over while barely moving in the parking lot. The embarassment was much much worse than any injuries!

The last ten miles are tough, it is getting windy, we are weary, our butts hurt, my shoulder is on fire! We turn onto a street which I know is yards way from the finish line. Finally! The combination of joy and pain floods my senses once again. 104 miles, several new friends, the renewal of an old friendship, the renewal of my spirit and a wide open heart.

After cheering everyone in we go back to the hotel to shower and relax before dinner. It took us over an hour to get to dinner because we got lost three times. We had a nice meal at the Meinhardt winery and then headed back to the hotel to hang out in the lobby and have a few beers. We stayed up until 1 AM laughing and talking. Not sure what is more sore my shoulder or my stomach muscles from so much laughter.

November 15th- travel day #2- I think I got about 2 hours sleep before I had to get up and drive to Atlanta to catch my 9AM flight. An oatmeal cream pie, an egg and cheese biscuit and Garrison Keillor all saved my life during the long boring drive. I tried to check in at the Air Tran kiosk for about 10 minutes before I realized that my confirmation number didn't work because it was a Delta flight!! I made it to the gate with a little time to spare and had about 15 minutes to get a massage.

Looking over the past 48 hours I am left feeling stripped of ego and pretense. Although I have just reached a major goal and accomplished something that I never dreamed I would do, I feel much less identified with myself as an athlete, a philanthropist, a friend or even as a wife and mother. I am acutely aware not of what I can do or what I know but of the very essence of my being. That is afterall the true path through which all wisdom, love and peace flow through. Through all of my layers heaped on through past experiences these past 2 days have left me feeling vulnerable and impressionable and once again able to see things through the lens of a child's eye