A Child's Eye

11/15/2009- I am sitting on a plane replaying the past 48 hours in my mind. I think that unfortunately the older you get, the more immuine you are to "great experiences" As an adult I have spent two very eventful years in the Peace Corps where I met some of my closest friends. I've been through training as a PA which bonded me intensely to my classmates and created a career that is both rewarding and incredibly flexible. I've been on cross country trips, international adventures, hosted exchange students, enjoyed scuba diving and skiing. I've thrown caution to the wind and picked up a guy on an airplane who later became an amazing husband and father. I was engaged at the Trevi Fountain in Rome! In just five short years of marriage we have created two amazing creatures that are the center of our universe, all the while maintaining friendships, careers and a close bond. My good fortune is beyond measure. However sometimes with all of my amazing blessings that I ironically feel somewhat limited and narrowed in on a track with rich experiences but fewer possibilities. Sometimes I feel that I have chosen my fate and that I fail to see things for what they could be. I envy my children's abilty to see possibilty and wonder at all things. I am not sure if it is the richness of my past experiences or the toughening of my skin created from my career that causes me to feel more jaded to the agony and the ecstacy of life experiences. These past couple of days have pierced straight through to my core and renewed my childlike wonder at the beauty of the earth, it's people and above all God.

Friday November 13th- Travel day to Statesboro. Dinner is at 6:30 in Statesboro. I have blocked my schedule from 2 PM so that I can make it on time. I am reminded of how blessed I am to have a flexible job! The plan is to meet Stacy (my lifelong but long estranged BFF from the 7th grade) at dinner since we are both running late. We meet up at dinner finally and then head out for a couple of drinks. (I know we should go to bed early but me plus Stacy equals trouble) We stay up until 1 AM first at "Chops 119" and then at the hotel yamering like school girls. We finally fall asleep to the serenade of base thumping out of our window at 1:30. I am starting to feel that thrill of adventure, possibility and the unknown that I always yearn for.

Saturday November 14th- Race Day. We wake up at 6:00 AM and make haste to the start in Claxton with very little fuel. We find our team, don our peaches and set off to start our adventure at 7:30 AM. It is chilly in the morning, about 50 degrees, perfect blue skies, no wind and no humidity. I stay close to Stacy and I'm not sure where I am going to fit in amongst my teamates. A lot of us haven't ridden together previously. At about mile ten Pam asks Stacy and me if we want to team up and form a pace-line. We pass up the first rest stop (which we later discover was a big mistake) and motor on over the Canooche river. I am already digging my team by our first rest stop around mile 25. There is nothing like talking about some very personal issues with relative strangers that bonds you to people. (Names have been changed to protect the innocent) What happens in Claxton stays in Claxton! I am reminded of my experiences in Peace Corps, in PA school, in marriage and parenthood. In intense interactions with other kindrid spirits parts of our beings are melted away and blended back together to form an amalgam that is much stronger than a sum of it's parts. We are creating a mark in time from around which I will continue to pivot for some time.

At the second rest stop I provided a little entertainment for our team when I just fell over while barely moving in the parking lot. The embarassment was much much worse than any injuries!

The last ten miles are tough, it is getting windy, we are weary, our butts hurt, my shoulder is on fire! We turn onto a street which I know is yards way from the finish line. Finally! The combination of joy and pain floods my senses once again. 104 miles, several new friends, the renewal of an old friendship, the renewal of my spirit and a wide open heart.

After cheering everyone in we go back to the hotel to shower and relax before dinner. It took us over an hour to get to dinner because we got lost three times. We had a nice meal at the Meinhardt winery and then headed back to the hotel to hang out in the lobby and have a few beers. We stayed up until 1 AM laughing and talking. Not sure what is more sore my shoulder or my stomach muscles from so much laughter.

November 15th- travel day #2- I think I got about 2 hours sleep before I had to get up and drive to Atlanta to catch my 9AM flight. An oatmeal cream pie, an egg and cheese biscuit and Garrison Keillor all saved my life during the long boring drive. I tried to check in at the Air Tran kiosk for about 10 minutes before I realized that my confirmation number didn't work because it was a Delta flight!! I made it to the gate with a little time to spare and had about 15 minutes to get a massage.

Looking over the past 48 hours I am left feeling stripped of ego and pretense. Although I have just reached a major goal and accomplished something that I never dreamed I would do, I feel much less identified with myself as an athlete, a philanthropist, a friend or even as a wife and mother. I am acutely aware not of what I can do or what I know but of the very essence of my being. That is afterall the true path through which all wisdom, love and peace flow through. Through all of my layers heaped on through past experiences these past 2 days have left me feeling vulnerable and impressionable and once again able to see things through the lens of a child's eye