Shouting Above The Whispers

I reflect over the past few decades and recall some of the greatest man made disasters we have known in our country. I reflect upon Oklahoma City, Columbine and 911 and I think of our immediate reactions to the crises. All of these disasters had reactions and a healing process that seemed to start almost immediately.

When I think of Oklahoma City I think of a tragedy that was literally and figuratively larger than life. I think of a country awakening to the threat of domestic and foreign terrorism. There was a tangible rebuilding of a city, people to prosecute and hold acountable. There are large polices to put into place at a federal level. Change was painful however we heard the whispers of reason and justice echoing from far beyond the walls of the Alfred P. Murrah federal building.

When I think of Columbine I am taken aback and appalled by the tragedy. However I can somehow make sense (when I can truly empathize in a Christlike fashion)of a lonely, misguided and ridiculed group of teens being the aggressors towards a group that terorized them. I think about the reaction to this terror and I see a community that can at least make sense and memorialize an "almost" adult. Their lives ended too soon but we may at least recount trophies and hearts won. Afterall we can all recall what highschool was like. We can remember that youth was a perilous time and although we were unaware, our future was on shakey ground. There was a tangible response to this horrific tragedy. We heard the whispers of the dark truth that the recklessness and carelessness of youth often colides with the forces and sharp edges of an unseen enemy. Some of us fell away from God. Some of us drew closer. Some remained indifferent.

When I think of 911 I think of the sense of unity and resolve that I felt in the days following the attacks. Again there was a definite enemy and although the perpetrators of the attack were dead, we had an enemy upon which to turn our anger and despair. Again there was a rebuilding to focus on and an enemy upon which to turn our anger and heartache. We reacted immediately. Although again we may have heard a whisper from God to wait, we rushed in. We told God that "We've Got This". America's greatest export became fear.

Now in the wake of the Newtown tragedy I find myself unable to watch news reports. I stand in complete disbelief and denial of what has happened. The insanity and impossibility of the situation has left me dumbstruck and unmoored. We seek to place the blame on anything from poor gun control, to lack of mental health services, to God's will. There are those who cry out for prayer in schools. There are those who deny God's existence, citing evidence that a tragedy such as this could not happen if there is in fact a riteous and benevolent God. It seems to have left us in a dark room swinging at an enemy that we cannot find. This time we hear only the whispers.

The dark cold wind that has echoed through the streets of Oklahoma City, throughout Columbine, Manhattan and countless other cities has taken our breath away and created a vacuum and a stillness. We gasp for air and we seek to fill the stillness with words, action and analysis. Maybe we are not supposed to react just yet. Maybe we are not supposed to obsess over what kind of music the killer liked, where he ate his lunch or what kind of video games he played. Perhaps we do nothing more right now but offer our heartfelt prayers and condolences to the victims and focus on what we can do within our own lives to create space, peace and stillness so that we may know how to act with wisdom and courage. Maybe we spurn the negative chatter with all our might and remember that our battles are not of flesh and blood.

I struggle with the worry that people will take me to mean that this horrible event is "God's Will". God does not have a hand in this tragedy. We were created to have free will and with that comes both the capacity to love fully and unfortunately to destroy. We cannot look at this one event and think that we have all of the answeres because the truth is we can never read all of the signs that a friend is unstable. We can never remove enough guns off the street to ensure that this never happens again. We can never love enough if it is just human kindness that is lighting our way. We must seek the hand of God upon every step that we take and take the time to be still and know.

Grace

This morning was a particularly trying one where Adam woke up on the wrong side of the bed. He seemed to want to blame everybody else for his bad attitude and "bad day". Mostly Tristan takes the blame for everything going wrong. So we had a little talk before school about how nobody controls your reactions to things and you are the only one who controls what kind of day you have. So I dropped him off at school and went with Tristan to go get Robert a coffee. As I was walking with two coffees accross the parking lot, I stepped off a curb, twisted my ankle, fell to the ground, stubbed my toe and spilled the hottest of the two coffees on my left hand. Ugghhhh! I felt like God was telling me that I was missing the point. It is not actually WE who control our actions and our destiny but God who grants his grace in our lives so that we can make our paths straight. I pondered this a good part of the day. Tonight when I was putting Adam to bed I told him the first part of that story because I wanted him to know that those lessons are hard for me too. I thought I was going to have to explain to him all about Grace and how that is what guides our lives. However when I asked him if he knew what Grace was he says to me, "It's when God keeps sin from entering your heart". WOAH!!!! So much better than I could have explained it. Talk about a little miracle.